Resol-ationship Makeover


Everywhere you look, there’s much talk about resolutions for this New Year by creating goals, implementing strategies, and making personal growth changes.

I’d like to offer a different idea for you to contemplate. One that will make many areas of your life flow with more ease and contentment—and yes, even bring peacefulness.

Let’s make a New Year “Resol-ationship” change.

Before walking into your office tomorrow morning, think of one work relationship that isn’t as productive as it could be. Someone who you just don’t click with, but you know things in the office would go smoother if he/she would only….(fill in the blank here!). You can probably and easily rattle off 3 or 4 things you’d like the person to change. You may even have spent time thinking how you’d LIKE the other person to be or how they “should” be or act, do their work, etc.

Is it possible that your feelings of frustration, apathy, and even disdain are evident to others in your office environment or even to the person? What ripple effect do you think that creates?

Are you willing to try a different approach tomorrow when you cross the threshold to the new 2012 work year? Perhaps a willingness to shift your perspective; a fresh outlook. Start the new year with a resolution to extend graciousness to someone you may typically avoid.

When I am coaching my individual clients, I often challenge them to try a ‘Scientific Experiment” for a certain time frame—perhaps 14 -21 days when trying something new. So, if this resonates with you, why not try just one of these 4 possibilities and see if something will start to shift.

  1. Develop new eyes.  Be open to the possibility that you are trapped in seeing someone as you always have by something that may have transpired quite awhile ago, yet the feelings continue that keep you trapped in time. Blinders prevent you from being open to even a remote possibility to seeing something good when your cloudy perspective immediately is foggy.
  2. Connect on a different level than you have in the past.  Approximately 35% of the population are People types—the type of personality that lives and breathes by connecting with others. That’s a lot of the people you work with!  Instead of avoiding them when you see Sharing Sal or Sally walk down the hallway, decide that you will spend 3-4 minutes engaging in real conversation with them. The art of listening and sharing a brief exchange can go a long way towards their feeling seen and appreciated as part of your office team. Ask a question about their holidays, the trip they took or company they had visit.  Stop thinking about what you think you know, and get curious to learn what you don’t know!
  3. Help someone out in an unexpected way—for the sheer act of kindness that it is.  If an exam room needs to be turned over, do it. Lend a hand; offer assistance. Take an initiative—even something as simple as replacing the paper towels in the employee washroom helps someone! Determine that “It’s not my job” is no longer part of your vocabulary. It’s actually the little things that mean a lot. These acts of generosity can lead to greater fulfillment by creating stronger bonds with others.
  4. Verbalize appreciation and gratitude.  By acknowledging another person for who they are and the contributions they make, it allows them to be seen. Some people I’ve worked with say they don’t feel a need for appreciation or a positive acknowledgment of a job well done. They get pleasure purely from the task at hand being completed to their satisfaction. However, not everyone is the same. Go ahead, try offering a few words of praise or thankfulness to someone and see if their face or demeanor may just possibly light up. The rewards overall can be more than you would imagine!

By changing even one element in the way you interact with others, a space is created for a new way of relating to emerge. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful way to begin 2012?

It’s a gift that has the potential to have positive reverberations throughout your office…and who wouldn’t benefit from that? And, of course, these ideas work equally well at home in your personal relationships, too!

Please feel free to post YOUR comment by hitting the “comment” button at the top of this post. I’d love to hear from you and know the impact this will serve in improving your relationships….

Ellen Nastir

Ellen Nastir

About The Author

Ellen Nastir is a certified professional coach with advanced training in Positive Intelligence, Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching, and Positive Psychology. Certified in virtual training, she works with individuals, teams and businesses in person and virtually.